Posted by: minnow | June 21, 2013

Homosexuals and Heterosexuals Are; Both Make Choices

Once again I found myself in the thick of it on a FB thread and decided it would be wiser to move over to my own blog. I saw the original post after my son commented on it and I then added a few of my own two-cents-es worth.  Humm…The big news that started the chatter was the announcement from Exodus International (an ex gay ministry) that they were shutting their doors.  I found myself nearly 500 words into a “comment” when I realized I hadn’t even addressed the question the young man to whom I was writing my comment had asked.  What follows is more or less the rant I did not post as a comment but want to continue.

Let me first apologize in advance to all in the LGBTQ community who are tired of having their sexual orientation bantered about as though what ever the big WE decide about it actually matters.  At the same time I ask for your continued patience because some in the Church are sincerely trying to understand the truth and expose the lie.  For them these discussions matter because they are about their faith as well as your sexuality.  For me this issue comes down to a simple question: Do people choose their sexual orientation or are they born with their sexual orientation?

I did not choose to be a heterosexual.  I simply am one.  The truth is, I do not know a single initially heterosexual person who can point to a time in his or her life that he or she consciously chose to orient his or her sexual desires toward people of the opposite sex. (This is not to be confused with experiencing a sudden feeling of sexually awareness). I do know people who have or do struggle with sexual confusion due to a history of abuse.  I do not know of any cases, personally, but I have read accounts from ex ex-gay ministries of people who “chose” to live lives apart from their initial inclinations of same sex attraction because they were told those initial inclinations were wrong (sin).  And, I assume that some people have been successful in denying their initial same-sex orientation and have chosen a long term heterosexual life style. I personally attribute their success to a fairly low sex drive and a much stronger need to self identify as heterosexual, probably due to strong religious convictions.

Mostly, I know of homosexuals who have spent hours in desperate prayer begging God to take away their same sex attractions.  I’ve read stories and heard accounts of individuals so desperate to change to a heterosexual orientation that they chose to commit suicide because they could not live with the bullying, the shunning, the feelings of failure, the unanswered prayers, the sense of disappointment they caused in their families or faith communities, or the rejection by God they were threatened with if they acted on their same-sex inclinations.  What pleasure, what self-gratification, what hedonistic joy could these individuals possibly have gotten from a “choice” that caused them such profound anguish and pain as to despair of their own lives?  With what masochistic illness must they suffer?

Because that’s it, isn’t it? The sexual behavior?  That’s what is so offensive. That’s why we’re so desperate to claim that God hates fags and the Bible says they’re an abomination.  The sex is what makes us afraid to let homosexuals teach in our schools or live in our neighborhoods or sit in our pews.  That’s why we take verses out of context, neglect to consider the cultural differences, and refuse to look at our own hypocrisy!  Lust, debauchery, self-indulgence–that’s the picture the “church” paints of the “choice” homosexuals make. Right!?!  We don’t dare paint pictures of doctors or lawyers, store clerks and mail personnel, people who plant gardens and collect salt and pepper shakers.  Those images are too normal.

Debauchery and orgies.  That’s what “scripture” says it means to be gay.  Right?! And the picture continues to be painted and the flames of fear continues to be fanned.  It’s sad really because most of the Church has decided to put their spiritual lives in the hands of people who claim to know the will of God and the correct interpretations of scripture.  Most won’t question their leaders’ motives, ask how their leaders came to their conclusions, or study out the scriptures on their own.  And, fewer will purposely read differing points of view, even when those points are laid out by reputable scholars.  Instead, if they study at all, they stick to the theologians, commentaries, and resources their leadership write, use, or recommend.

Lust, debauchery, self-indulgence–that’s the lie the Church tells.  By failing to differentiate between being something–a homosexual–and choosing something–a lifestyle innocent people are slandered, young people are targeted, and many of us on both sides live in fear.   Some fear what they do not bother to get to know.  And others fear what they hope they never have to get to know walking to their car at night or into a bathroom at school.  Granted, for some homosexuals  immoral life style choices are as real as immoral lifestyle choices are for some heterosexuals.  But, NOT being what God created us to be is not a choice unless we choose to quit BEING altogether.  So to the young man on my son’s thread and any others in his camp, you can side against science and empirical evidence, claim the Bible says…, and continue to demean and dehumanize a group of people with your views OR you can be dissatisfied with the incongruous picture of a “loving Creator” turning around and demanding that His creation remake itself.  I choose to keep the loving Creator and find a different picture for the rest.


  1. Discrimination in such areas as employment, education, housing, health care, banking and other businesses that offer services to the public on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity is not expressly illegal.

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