Posted by: minnow | August 7, 2011

Disturbed

“Well, I personally would never be alone with a woman because I can’t trust myself or her.”

The statement above was originally a comment for a post I have never read.  The context was with regard to Christian leadership, though I suspect for the person writing it any non-Christian setting would hold the same danger.  It was found and re-posted here with comments and now re-posted, again.  My question to you is what is wrong with this statement (and I am not talking grammar)?  What I want to know is whether or not any idea expressed in this statement disturbs you.  I ask because I cannot read statements like this without becoming completely stirred up.

Personally, I am disturbed on several levels.  First, this person in all likelihood has some kind of leadership responsibility since the potential exists for him to determine whether or not to be alone with a woman.  Second, this gentleman admits he should not be trusted alone with a woman, any woman.  Third, he sees all women as untrustworthy (or if we want to give him the benefit of the doubt he admits to being unable to distinguish between those women who are trustworthy and those who are not).  Forth, he sees himself as so irresistible that no woman, if given the opportunity, would pass him up.  That or, he sees all women as so weak willed and desperate that none would be able to resist even a schmuck like him.  Finally, his statement seems to imply that because he is already seen as a good leader his prejudice and resulting discrimination against women in order to avoid being alone with them is justified in order to keep him in a leadership position.

In my opinion the man who made that statement should be relieved of his duties until such time as he has developed considerably more self control than he admits at this point having.  His ability to teach  lead or understand women is seriously compromised.  And, the advice he might offer other men due to his own lack of discernment and self control is at best questionable.

Women are not objects of temptation.  Regarding them as such, whether individually like a Playboy centerfold or as a group like the statement which began this post, is wrong.  The resulting oppression of women, in an attempt to remove the temptation, is equally wrong.  In fact I would say it is sin.  When Adam ate from the tree of knowledge he understood for the first time his action of eating the fruit to be wrong.  When God questioned Adam, Adam blamed “the woman You gave me”.  The woman became for Adam an object.  In that instant Woman became a thing for Adam to blame.  And, in order to avoid responsibility for our own behavior (action and thought) we have tried to objectify one another ever since.

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Responses

  1. Minnow,

    The quote you make above is really taken completely out of context. I really think that you should have read the entire post before posting your thoughts here. The post was written by a woman, a woman who happens to hold the title of Pastor, not a man. She was quoting other men she has dealt with, and was making the point that the statement was not a healthy way for men to view women. The entire point of her article was the need for men and women to be able to develop healthy, intimate, non-sexual relationships within the church. While I actually agree with most of what you say, it does not accurately reflect the intent of the original author.

    FedEx,
    President,
    Men of Praise Motorcycle Ministry

  2. If you are talking about the post I linked, I did read Kathy’s post and agree with the point she made. I borrowed the quote she used (actually borrowed from someone else) because I too have heard many men in church leadership say similar things. One gentleman I heard even went so far as to say he would not stop to help a woman from his own fellowship who he saw stranded along side the road if he was alone. Ridiculous in my opinion. I did not mean to come across as disagreeing with Kathy’s post. I just had my own take on the topic. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. Minnow,

    Thank you for clarifying. This is an area of growth for me as well. I grew up in a church that taught that men and women should never be together especially alone unless married. They called this wisdom, but I am coming to agree with Kathy that what it really amounts to is fear. Again, thank you for your response.

    FedEx,
    President,
    Men of Praise Motorcycle Ministry


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