Posted by: minnow | May 12, 2010

Excuses

I have been full of them, excuses I mean.  I have let my life be full of them.  In fact I have often let myself off the hook for not doing anything about situations that only I could  do something about, choosing to blame my pain on someone else instead.  In many ways I have lived a life that chose the path of least resistance–peace at all cost–especially at a personal level.  At the same time, I accumulated a lot of anger.  But, only latelyhave I directed any of that anger in a positive direction.

Recently I had a conversation with one of my sons.  As we talked I began to realize–If I am not willing to resist oppression how can I claim to be oppressed?  [Note: We are not talking about the kind of oppression where someone puts a gun to your head.  Surviving that kind of oppression is resistance enough.]  If I am not pushing to pursue my dreams how can I claim someone else is standing in the way of my reaching them?  In other words–Ya gotta step up to the plate if ya wanna get a hit!

Granted pursuit, as I pointed out in my last post, is easier envisioned when you are told “Yes you can!” and when the world is told “Make way!” on your behalf.  But seriously folks, the cheerleaders can not play the game for us.  We are the only ones able to walk out our individual lives.  Truthfully, examples abound of individuals, both men and women, overcoming incredible odds to reach their goals or make their dreams  realities.  Excuses are simply another way of saying, “It’s easier if I don’t.”

The choices I made after I made the choice to walk out of my sexist professor’s office, included jumping tracks and not following through with the vision for my life I had been following.  My professor did not make my choice for me.  In no way did he hold a gun to my head.  I did not even give him the opportunity to back pedal–try to explain away, justify, or face his sexist attitudes. 

I could spend the next chunk of my life beating myself up for the choices I made now that I final admit they were my choices.  Or, I could realize I still have choices to make.  I could see my professor’s comment, my jumping tracks, and my ditching my plans as the result of a character flaw.  Or, I can hang onto the good in the parts of the journey I have been on and let the chaff blow away.  These are all choices.

Just because I did not follow the original path  to reach my dream of being a lawyer or going into politics does not mean those doors are permanently closed.  Yet if I were to pursue law or politics now I would be a much different lawyer or politician than I would have been had I stayed on the original course.  Frankly, my life as a part-time educator and fulltime wife and mother has changed who I am and how I see the world.  Spending twenty-five years trying to fit into a traditional Church model and the last two trying to become free from that has equally impacted my world view.  Personally I see those changes as changes for the better.  perhaps egotistically, I have to believe that would mean I would make a better lawyer or politician now than I would have made back then.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: