Posted by: minnow | May 24, 2009

For What It’s Worth

To use a little Christianese I have hit a “dry season” in my life. Honestly, if I were a Calvinist I might be afraid I am not among the “chosen”. And, if I were an Armenian I might have to worry that I have “lost my salvation” instead. The truth is my faith in God is not what is in jeopardy; rather it is my faith in God’s people.  I have become cynical toward the Church.  Seriously, there are just too few Kathy Escobars and Eugene Chos in the Church (world) and too many talking fish (minnowspeaks–ahem). 

Talk is cheep folks.  And, for someone who would like to have earned her living with words that is a pretty damning indictment.  Yet, I look at what I am doing  and I have to wonder when is it going to change?  When am I going to do more lifting of hands to help then pointing of fingers to judge?  When is “reach out and touch someone” going to mean me?!

Yesterday (Saturday) I had “Church” at the food bank.  I go because it is the one time all week that I actually think what I am doing will make a difference for someone else.  And please, do not give me the “but you’re a mom” speech.  I get that, I do.  I even believe my role as mom IS the most valuable role I have.  But it is not all of who I am and the rest of what I do goes a long way toward defining me as a mom so that speech just does not change the point I want to make.  Two hours a week I get to make a teeny-tiny difference.  Two hours a week I put food in boxes, work and laugh with friends, and a family takes home enough to last them maybe three days.  It is a step.  And I am blessed by the one or two dozen folks that keep the food bank happening despite all the “Church” politics and all the government red tape.

Still, the dreams I have in my head and the reality of my days do not line up. 

Sometimes I am angry as a result.  I want to run up on the platform at my old fellowship some Sunday morning and scream at the people in the pews (but mostly just the leadership) “WHY!?  Why are we not doing more?  Where is the cost free daycare for single moms or the free clinic or the weekend mechanics to help keep the junkers running that so many families need to rely on to get back and forth from their minimum wage jobs?”  We have this huge building that remains unused most of the week and I want to know when the Church dropped the ball.  When did we quit thinking it was our job to feed the poor or care for the widows and orphans?  We have the organization, the facility, the man power BUT WHAT GOOD IS IT?

Sometimes I am just frustrated.  I do not do social well.  I get a dry throat at the mere thought of starting a conversation with someone I do not already know, let alone trying to figure out how to network with a whole bunch of someones I do not already know.  And, why does everything seem to take so much money?  How can one little person without a whole lot of time, near zero people skills, and absolutely NO money do anything to bring such a big vision (being a practical Jesus to the least of these) into reality?  I feel helpless. 

So, I throw it up there and out here and pray I get a clue before I need to get a wheelchair.



  1. […] For What It’s Worth […]

  2. Well said.

    For what it’s worth (no pun intended) I think these questions, this anger and even this cynicism mark the road to following Jesus. Nobody said it would be easy.

    Actually, lots of people said it would be easy, but I think they were talking about some other road.

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